A Guy Gets Trampled in the Name of Holiday Spirit

In a recent news story, a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a rush of frenzied Black Friday shoppers who had been waiting for the store to open.

I'll repeat that:

A man was fucking trampled to death by a mob of shoppers trying to buy cheap Wal-Mart shit.

In fact, the guy killed wasn't even an employee, he was a goddamned temp. The poor schmuck took awhile to get the door open, probably because he couldn't figure out the lock or something, and so was subsequently stampeded on by a bunch of impatient people who really really wanted 20 bucks off of a dust buster that'll break within a year.

"Being a temp sucks!"

As if that's not bad enough, after Wal-Mart announced over the store's intercom that everyone had just killed a guy, thus prompting a temporary closing of the store, the customers kept shopping anyway. They were actually angry that they were going to be kicked out for such a minor inconvenience as brutal death, some complaining that they had been waiting in line for days. I imagine the conversation went a little something like this:

Wal-Mart:
Uh, so you're all going to have to leave. You kind of killed one of our temps.

Customers:
FUCK YOU. Have you seen the price on these TVs? Where else am I going to get stuff this cheap?

Can you imagine what it must be like to be the temp's parents? Your own child, killed by an uncaring mob of Christmas shoppers. It's enough to turn you off of the holiday forever. What are they going to put on his headstone?

Jdimytai Damour

I guess they really
wanted those deals.

The least they could do is try to make it sound badass. Say he gave his life defending Santa from a zombie horde. That's pretty close to what happened, anyway.

The temp wasn't the only one harmed, but he was the only fatality. At least four others were treated for injuries, one of them a pregnant lady. Why? They were just trying to help the guy out.

So there you have it, folks. Apparently, not even manslaughter is enough to infringe on peoples' shopping experience.

That being said, have you seen the deals at Target? They're AMAZING!

Hello, and welcome to my blog!
I'd first like to thank you all for wasting your time here.

Secondly, why the damn hell are you wasting your time here?

Oh, wait. Nobody is reading this blog, so effectively I'm talking to nobody...




God, I'm so lonely.